It is undeniable that many times in our lives we find ourselves in turmoil as a result of unpredictable events which take us by surprise. We have given the opportunity to fly, fight, or freeze, these experiences which we deny at first, until later when we have the power to embrace. Freezing is being lost, in a world of our own making, where nothing else exists, but the impossibility of making a change which cannot come to the surface using the same mind. To the extent, we isolate ourselves in this most predominant thought which underlines this particular problem we no longer think clearly, as I and the problem becomes one and the same, the solution is lost. As time is passing by the idea that I once was this strong and powerful person wears off to the point where it’s almost gone.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

At this moment, we have the recollection of nothing other than the information collected in this event which became this most horrendous and tremendous sore spot. We keep going on with our lives, not realizing that what we left behind was a very painful spot that we try to control and avoid at all costs. Many times, the control and our willfulness in not ever being taken down again become the thoughts that evaluate our actions and dictate our lives.

I watched you Anna, and could not stop smiling as I realized that your play was not only yours but mine as well. How much courage and power did you have, by saying do your worst? How much hate had to be there, in being controlled by all and everyone that you’ve encountered? When and where have you realized that Power is what you’ve got, lying, being the innocent that you are? Many times, we are too proud to admit that what we see in others is ourselves. I had to look where I had Christian with unimaginable cruelty also torture which was overwhelming for one person to bear. Being projected upon another made life bearable for oneself. What happens when the projection is no longer lasting as is so far removed from reality that no longer feels is having an owner of belonging?

Where did you lose the plot Christian? Can it be that you become so immersed in trying to control the game that you couldn’t see that you became the game itself? When did the control turn to the other person which became your torturer and also your addiction? How could you not see, that actually she was the one who has harnessed you at the moment where she could empty, all of her pain and grief, being freed of the shame and guilt of her past? How could you not see the anguish which laid in her needs for affection? What if one moment of embrace, one drop of love in surrender to her will, would stop the drips of blood which ended your cunning ritual? What if you would’ve spread the legs of your higher mind so can dissolve the ticking of your clock, pending nowhere else but in what you tried so hard to control? – Your heart.

What would’ve taken you to stop, one room, one night, one embrace? Inspired in your touch, sensing the betrayal of lying and untrusting that which you already are, generosity to be found in a frail heart, covered by feathers of a priceless mind. Being blind for so long, graceless in your touch, stopped you seeing the pain, which you have in your sight. Held down by instinct, rather than intuition made you not belonging, anywhere at any time. Breaking through another wall, another lie became the meaning of your life. Being touched in that which truly matters, grace, of one heart, one soul, one mind, becoming the projected soul full thought of a brilliant mind, Is what Count.